you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize