Im at strip club and am horny
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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