So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My breasts were aching with rage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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