I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
