Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
