Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
