Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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