I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
high people should be assigned attendants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
