I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize