we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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