I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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