I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
