Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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