I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
