Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
