i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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