Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My ass is underappreciated
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
