guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
