New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
