i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize