We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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