I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
