i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
