just come out here and I will go home with you...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
