Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
