thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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