The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
