i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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