The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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