just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize