I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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