Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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