i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
