I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
