We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
