There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
