my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize