everyone is single if you try hard enough
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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