I'm so fucking centered right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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