What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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