we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
