he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
