someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
