Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
