He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize