Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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