i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
