Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
