she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
