i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
