I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
