lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
