I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
