what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
