I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
