the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
