I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
