They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
