I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize