My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize