You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
