Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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