I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
