The maid of honor just puked.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize