Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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