and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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