We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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