i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
