What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize