so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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