Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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