omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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