just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
