i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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