Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
