its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
