The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
