sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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