forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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