Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
