We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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