if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
