I'm jealous of your bromance
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
