I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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