Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize