hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
