Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
