atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize