Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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