You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
