When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize