This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
