did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
