Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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