Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
