Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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