Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
