You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
