I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize