I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
