The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
