I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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