the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize