Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
