so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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