just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
