You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
