Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
