On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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