he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
