a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
